In Vietnamese, pronouns work differently to the way they do in English.

If you pick up a dictionary, it might tell you that “I” is tôi and “you” is bạn. While this is technically true, if you use these words with your Vietnamese friends or family, you might sound very stiff, formal, or even distant.

Vietnamese pronouns are based on relationships, age, and gender. It sounds complicated, but it is actually quite beautiful. It means that every time you speak to someone, you are establishing a connection with them.

In this guide, I will break down exactly how to use personal pronouns so you don’t feel awkward when speaking.

Why Vietnamese pronouns are different

In Western culture, the individual is the focus. In Vietnamese culture, the family and hierarchy are the focus.

When we speak to each other, we treat everyone like family.

This is why you will hear people calling strangers “brother”, “sister”, “aunt”, or “uncle”. Before you say a single sentence, you need to quickly guess the other person’s age relative to yours.

• Are they older or younger than you?
• Are they the same generation as your parents?
• Are they male or female?

Once you answer these questions, you will know which pronoun to use.

The generic pronouns (safe for beginners)

If you are in a formal situation, speaking to a large group, or you really don’t know the other person’s age, you can use the “generic” pronouns.

These are the ones you usually find in textbooks.

When to use Tôi and Bạn:

• In a business meeting with partners you don’t know well.
• When writing a formal email.
• When you are a foreigner and you are totally unsure (locals will understand).

However, in daily conversation, we rarely use tôi. Using tôi with a close friend can actually sound a bit angry or arrogant, like you are creating a wall between you and them.

The kinship system (family pronouns)

This is the most important part of Vietnamese grammar to learn.

We use family titles as pronouns. To do this correctly, you must imagine the person you are talking to is a member of your family.

Here is the golden rule:

• If you call someone “Brother” (Anh), you must refer to yourself as the younger sibling (Em).
• If you call someone “Uncle” (Chú), you must refer to yourself as the “Child/Nephew” (Cháu).

You always need a matching pair.

Here is a table of the most common pairs based on who you are talking to:

Examples in conversation

Let’s look at how this works in real life.

Scenario 1: You are a male talking to a slightly younger woman.

Scenario 2: You are talking to an older man (respectfully).

Notice that in English, the translation is just “I” and “You”. But in Vietnamese, the pronouns constantly remind us of our relationship.

Plural pronouns (we, you all, they)

Making pronouns plural in Vietnamese is actually quite easy. You generally just add a plural marker in front of the pronoun.

• Các + Pronoun = The group of them (Polite/Formal)
• Mấy + Pronoun = The group of them (Casual)
• Chúng + Pronoun = We / They

How to say “We” (Inclusive vs. Exclusive)

This is a concept that often confuses English speakers. Vietnamese distinguishes between “We (including you)” and “We (excluding you)“.

1. Chúng tôi (Exclusive We)

This means “We” (the speakers), but not you (the listener).

Example: You and your team are talking to a client. You say: “We (my team) will help you.”

• Vietnamese: Chúng tôi sẽ giúp bạn.

2. Chúng ta (Inclusive We)

This means “We” (everyone here, you and me together).

Example: You are with your friends deciding where to eat. You say: “Where shall we eat?”

• Vietnamese: Chúng ta ăn ở đâu?

How to say “They” (Third Person)

To talk about someone else (He/She), you usually take the kinship term and add ấy (North/Standard) or đó (South).

• Anh ấy / Ảnh: He (older brother age)
• Chị ấy / Chỉ: She (older sister age)
• Cô ấy / Cổ: She (young woman/aunt age)

Regional variations (North vs. South)

Vietnamese is spoken differently depending on whether you are in Hanoi (North) or Ho Chi Minh City (South). The pronouns change slightly too to reflect the culture.

Northern Vietnam

The North tends to be more formal and precise with titles.

However, among close friends (young people), you might hear:

• Tớ (I)
• Cậu (You)

This is a cute, friendly way to speak between peers without using the age hierarchy.

Southern Vietnam

The South is generally more casual.

1. Tui (I)

Instead of tôi, Southerners often say tui. It sounds friendly and down-to-earth.

Example: Tui đói bụng quá! (I’m so hungry!)

2. Calling yourself by name

In the South (and sometimes the North), it is very common to refer to yourself by your own name to avoid confusion, or to refer to the listener by their name.

Example: Your name is John and you are talking to Lan.

• John: Lan đang làm gì đó? (What is Lan doing? / What are you doing?)
• Lan: Lan đang đọc sách. (Lan is reading a book / I am reading a book.)

3. Third person contractions

In the South, pronouns are often shortened when talking about a third person:

• Anh đó becomes Ảnh.
• Chị đó becomes Chỉ.
• Ông đó becomes Ổng.

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Don’t let the complex table of pronouns scare you. Here is the best way to learn:

1. Listen first. When you meet someone, listen to how they refer to themselves. If they call themselves em, you should probably call them em too (meaning you are the older one).
2. When in doubt, be polite. It is better to call someone older (Anh/Chị) than younger. If you call an older woman Em, she might be offended. If you call a younger woman Chị, she will just be happy you think she looks mature (or she will giggle and correct you).
3. Use “Tôi” and “Bạn” if you get stuck. If you completely forget the rules, just use the generic terms. People will understand you are learning.

Vietnamese pronouns help you build relationships. Once you master them, you won’t just be speaking the language - you will be part of the family.